Santa is Not a Man

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

 - Melody Beattie

Thanksgiving... Christmas...  They're here!  We, of course, know this holiday season very well.  But our little ones likely don't understand much beyond the fun of wearing pilgrim hats at school, or the beauty of stringing Christmas lights.  This became very apparent to me when my child told me that Santa Claus was not a man, but a "gift-giver".  And I thought, well where in the heck did he get that?  We haven't even talked about Santa Claus yet!  But now I have to, because for me, the holidays are SO MUCH MORE than the man in the red suit and gift-giving and receiving!  So, I've been pondering ways I might share the value and meaning of the holiday season and its traditions to my son, and when it comes down to it the lessons I really want him to get - are charity and gratitude.  

The first lesson on charity is coming right now for my (newly) 3 year old son, as sharing his toys (or not!)  This reminds me - charity really does begin at home!  Being in preschool and playing with the neighborhood kids are great ways for us to expose our kiddos and teach them the basics of giving and generosity.  We can also teach our kids through our own behaviors, charitable giving and selfless action.  Asking our kids to help us with tasks like baking cookies for our neighbor or gathering food to donate to the neighborhood food pantry shows our kids that they can be helpful to others. 

We can also teach that charity is not just about giving money or giving things, but also about giving of self.  By taking our kids along as we help others, we demonstrate to them that we are all responsible for the well-being of our community.  From small actions like helping the widow down the street set up her Christmas tree, to inviting a new neighbor and her kids over to share hot chocolate during playtime, or even buying a toy to give to a child that otherwise would not receive a toy... We can cultivate a gratitude habit by little things: talking over dinner about what we're thankful for, being lavish with our "thanks" to everyone we encounter (including the kids!), helping our kids write (or scribble) thank you notes to gift-givers, or by volunteering together.  Because their little eyes that are always watching us, action can be a wonderful way to teach charity and gratitude.  And we can impact their lives for good by teaching them to see gratefulness in the smallest of things and to act charitably to those around them.

So reach out and touch someone this holiday – and help your child grow as a giving member of the community at the same time.

O my God, I love Thee above all things, with my whole heart and soul, because Thou art all good and worthy of love.  I love my neighbor as myself for the love of Thee.  I forgive all who have injured me, and ask pardon of all whom I have injured. Amen.

Sharon Lee

Sharon was many things to many people.  Called just about everything a good person could be called.  She was unique and vibrant.  She had an easy, simple way about her.  She was easy to love.

To me, she was Mom.

Faithful and quick to smile and endearing. Loyal but could make you think hard when you needed to.  Full of compassion.  Governed by a deep well of intuition.  Generous beyond measure.  Her eyes smiled.

A counselor by schooling, profession and salary.  A profession that did not shut off at 5 o'clock.  Her empathy for those in the struggle, in the midst, in the shadows bled from every ounce of her being.

Always quick to listen or encourage.  The kind of person that would not just lend a hand, but give the shirt off her back if she thought it would help.  Given the exceptional ability to help people make their lives work better.  Striving to do what was right, especially when it wasn’t easy.

Married to my dad, Dr. William Gould, for 29 years.  In 1999 they were busy planning the party which would celebrate their 30^th anniversary together.  Mom was devoted to Dad in every sense of the word. And Dad was always grateful for her love and her free-spiritedness.  After their wedding in March 1970, mom was tested almost immediately as my father became critically ill.  He suffered from a life long condition that threatened to take his life at any moment.  When that affliction finally took him, the loss to follow revealed the amazing depth of her goodness and love.  The anniversary party never happened, but mom pressed on.  She stuck around to witness graduations, careers, marriages, homes, and children. She hung around until she knew I got things right before she sounded the all-clear.

Never for a moment have I doubted her love.  Life taught her a lot about loss and, in turn, she was able to teach me a lot about love.  She gave me the freedom to grow and explore, to fail and succeed and to build my life on my own terms.

She did not gently set her feet in the shallows along the water's edge.  She dove down deep into the unknown of the sea. She figured life out, and learned to do the important things today, and not plan and wait for someday in the future.  She knew all too well, that tomorrow does not always come.

She was a character.  She was one of those people that didn’t live just one life…  During the last of her lives, cancer accompanied her every move.  For years it twisted everything I thought to be true about life.  It broke the mold of my understanding about how life should go.  In the end, it couldn't be fixed or stopped or killed.  It won its relentless pursuit.  But it could not have fully realized who it was pursuing.  

This beautiful soul - radical love, spirited hope, simple joy.  I am honored to be called her daughter.  When I made the promise to care for her so many years ago, I could not have known the path that vow would take or how I would be transformed in the process.  Cancer is different the second time around… The first time you play to win, but the second time you play to live long enough to try and die from something else.  My world shrank as the disease became a crucible.  I got a crash course in life and death and the division between the two was blurred.

She continued to inspire me even until God turned to the last page of her story.  I waited and prayed and cried that quiet September evening, and finally came the concluding, irrevocable exhale of her sweet life.  And just like that, she slipped away.  Her hand locked in mine, but her soul free.  Cancer was not the real teacher.  It had always been her.  In her death, she silently taught me that vulnerability was the source of her true strength.

"I had been afraid of the awful presence of the river, which was the soul of the river, but through her I learned that my spirit shared in the spirit of all things" - Bless Me, Ultima

Only a Mother

Only a mother will get this entry.  Here are just a few reasons the other moms of young children totally "get" you.  And many more reasons why it pays to have them as friends to help you (find) and keep your sanity.  You know you're a mom in need of a friend, or perhaps a margarita (or both) when you:

1. are not in any of your own vacation photos.
2. have learned to see past the fingerprints on your television.
3. desperately wish you were that weight that years ago you thought was fat.
4. take 2 to 3 days to watch a 1.5 hour movie, if you finish it at all.
5. have wondered if your baby was secretly sent here by aliens to weaken you and take over your mind.
6. have an 8 a.m. cup of coffee is sitting, half full and cold, on the table at 4 p.m.
7. buy books hoping you will finish them in the next year.
8. look forward to talking to the grocery store cashier or dry cleaning attendant.
9. haven't had an adult conversation in at least three days.
10. think "Me time" now means cleaning the kitchen while dad watches football (and the baby).
11. haven't used your blow dryer since giving birth.
12. have traded your purse for your diaper bag.
13. only watch cartoons and you know all of the character's names.
14. use spit as a cleaning agent.
15. have broken your toe stepping on a stealth lego creation.
16. walk through the kitchen and your feet stick to grape jelly on the floor, and you don't care.
17. can't recall the last time you slept, but you know it's been years.
18. cannot answer your phone without a child screaming like a banshee.
19. pick up your phone to find it caked with applesauce or drool.
20. can fake a sincere-looking smile when your kids are in total meltdown.
21. wonder where the return label is on the package you waited on for nine months.
22. have fallen asleep sitting up.
23. are proud to have at least one clean, slightly wrinkled shirt, with no spit up on the shoulders.
24. can translate the noises that emit from your bundle of joy to your husband.
25. wake up at night with extra people in bed with you.
26. forget the lyrics to every single lullaby and nursery rhyme when trying to calm your baby.
27. have not seen the floor of your car in weeks months.
28. have lost ten pounds because you are trying to feed everyone else and forget yourself.
29. have gained ten pounds because you eat after everyone else.
30. can't recall the last meal you sat down to where you didn't have to cut all the food into little bites.
31. never get to shut your bathroom door.
32. can step over toys, look past dishes and reach over that pile of clean laundry with grace and ease.
33. stop caring about how loud the kids in restaurants are, and you sympathize instead.
34. plan your cocktail hour around your baby's feeding schedule.
35. have locked yourself in a utility room, closet or bathroom to have a moment alone, more than once.
36. do not know the last time that you uttered a sentence with more than three words in it.
37. think that saying "no, no, no!" is going to work better than just saying "no".
38. have stayed in your car/house/bed/rocking chair for hours just to let your kid stay asleep.
39. have gotten in the car and driven for hours in the middle of the night to help your newborn sleep.
40. think a five minute shower is a like a day at the spa.
41. can't find your wallet in your purse because of the toys, pacifiers, wipes and diapers.
42. notice that you lose your cell phone or keys at least once a day.
43. know exactly where to hit "play" when fast-forwarding past the beginning of the BabyEinstein DVD.
44. start working at 9 p.m.
45. wonder why your kid's screaming and cranky, and then remember you didn't feed them anything.

I'd love you hear your own take on this topic, I'm free this Saturday for a margarita girls night!

About Me

I changed the format of this thing, and can't seem to find how to put the "About Me" back on the page.  So here is the About Me section of my blog... Just in case you want to know a little more.

I've moved a lot and lived many places, and currently live in Houston, though I am still not sure where "home" actually is. I've been married eleven years to an amazing man with a heart for God and service who knows that playing small does not serve the world.  I hate alarm clocks and refuse to use them, though my two year old seems to enjoy acting like an alarm clock these days. My friends tell me I have a kind heart. I am a perfectionist, though not usually a procrastinator. I desperately wanted to join the peace corps before starting college at the University of St. Thomas, but my parents vehemently opposed the idea.  I secretly wish I would have done it anyway.  I could never travel too much. I have adopted the gluten-free style of cooking, because I have two celiacs under my roof.  My family - by force and by choice - means the world to me.  I will try almost anything once.

The pastime that keeps me busy most days is real estate. I opened a real estate brokerage eleven years ago and never looked back.  My clients are sometimes crazy, but I love them anyway.  The best part of the whole real estate business is the stories about people and their houses. I absolutely love what I do each day.  And when its all said and done, you'll likely find me chasing sunshine on the island of Isla Mujeres.

As a Christ-follower, I tend to think a lot about what that means and how to do it.  You and I have tons to discuss if you have a heart for missions and ministry.  People who are committed to changing the world for the better set me on fire.  I firmly believe that we can each make a difference to someone every single day.  I love God, though I struggle with Church at times. But not to knock 'em, some of my best friends in the world are pastors.

My dad died unexpectedly when I was 21.  My mom died expectantly when I was 31.  My perspectives on life and living have been dramatically shaped by these two events.

Life on earth isn’t fair, reasonable or rational. It is strange, wild, ridiculous, bizarre, amazing, heartening and sad.  It also is clearly not the place I was made for. I began writing as a way to cope with the death of my mother in 2009.  I never really wrote or enjoyed it before that point in my life, but I appreciate the chance to wrangle with my thoughts and set them down.  My mother, the avid writer, decided she was going to write a book, but she got stopped in all sorts of ways that happen when you want something really incredible to happen in your life.  This blog is my take on life, mission, love and the lighter stuff and an attempt to bring things full circle.

Joy or Fruitcake?

It's already the beginning of November?  I actually am having a hard time identifying exactly what month it is, because the Christmas decorations are already up en masse at the stores by my house.  Did we not just close our doors to the onslaught of little ghosts and goblins begging for candy?

The holiday countdown is already on, and I am absolutely not ready.  I do not know who is hosting Thanksgiving dinner, I forgot to pass out names for our family gift exchange, family plans are confused by my brother's recent estrangement, and I'm not sure where we ended up putting the Christmas ornaments after our move back in May.  A quick search on Google reveals over 269,000 entries for "de-stress your holidays".  When did the holiday season become something to be survived?

We moms have so many plates spinning - tending to the needs of our kids and husband, maintaining our friendships, keeping up with responsibilities at home, work and beyond, while still trying to fit in our goals and keep our health.  Now with the dawn of "everything happy and bright" on its way, I often wonder how to balance even more with already full hands.  Having a young child in our house really turned the tables on us.  We were spoiled with ten years focused mostly on the two of us, but now we struggle with even the simplest tasks on a never-ending list.  I can promise you I never thought I would have been the person to forget to feed my dog or take out the trash!  The drive of wanting to get it all done and be and do all things well, even perfect, can send me speeding ahead on the road of life.  Except the stress of too much to do and not enough time to do it sends me speeding down the wrong road entirely, and I get overwhelmed and disconnected from my joy, my husband, my son, myself.   Except Jesus did not say to us "I came so that you may have life and have it more overwhelmingly".  Instead he promised something much better, he said he came so that we might have abundant life.

And when I can look it squarely in the eye, this truth informs the solution to my problem.  The answer to my deepest need this holiday season will not be met in a well-executed holiday plan.  I do not need the diagram for how to create a fresh and festive holiday centerpiece in 6 easy steps, a fabulous one-day Christmas shopping plan, 3 tips for the best fruitcake recipe or 10 splurge-worthy holiday gifts.  While all of these ideas are wonderfully creative, I know that what ends up happening is piling them on top of my current to-do list only causes more stress, less togetherness; more irritability and less gratitude.  When I work hard to get every detail on the list perfect, I get stressed and impatient.  On top of the negative mood, my focus on the "list" and the "perfect" keeps me from witnessing the magic of the present moment, the beauty of what is happening right here in front of me.  I'm beginning to realize that not only do I not need to research and purchase the best wreath for the season to hang on my front door, I need to learn to close the door instead.


I need to close the door on extraneous social obligations, the commercialism of the holidays, and the need to have everything just perfect.  No one will draw their last breath this year because I stopped baking from scratch, or even stopped baking at all.  In fact, most of you would probably be happy at the thought of less calories around to tempt you.   If I don't buy all variations of Scentsy from a neighbor, attend every Christmas pageant, send a card to each soul I've ever shaken hands with, or wrap a room full of unnecessary gifts - all will not be lost and the earth will still revolve around the sun.  The huge juggernaut that is the holiday season in America will roll right on past without even a second glance at me, and its likely that most people will not even notice that I've done anything different or done anything less.  But I bet my family will notice, because some magical things will start to happen.


For starters, that family day we've been meaning to have.  A tickle war with the two year old. A walk with the dog, who somehow still loves me even when I forget to feed her.  A call to a friend for that long overdue chat.  A day off.  A real conversation with the husband.  A much-needed girls night with the ten year old.  A space to reflect on the year.  A time to cultivate gratitude and to extend grace.  After all, how did Jesus celebrate?  He gave himself to those he loved. He glorified God in the simple act of living.  No amount of checks on my to-do list could provide the abundance found in simple, selfless acts like these.


What if we were to take a step back before the busyness begins?  Breathe, and remember what and who the holidays are really about.  What if we stop spending hours in long retail lines or at holiday parties we don't want to attend, and instead spend time chasing our kids around or hanging out with our husband?  What if we embraced the holy abundance already in our lives instead of looking outward to try and buy or find it?  What if instead of rushing around, we paused to savor the little moments that fill our hearts with joy - a daughter asleep in your arms or a son pleading for one more hug?  I wonder what is coming your way this holiday - joy or fruitcake?  You know, no one ever likes the fruitcake anyway.

"Every time you close another door - be it the door of immediate satisfaction, the door of distracting entertainment, the door of busyness, the door of guilt and worry, or the door of self-rejection - you commit yourself to go deeper into your heart and thus deeper into the heart of God.  This is a movement toward full incarnation.  It leads you to become what you already are - a child of God; it lets you embody more and more the truth of your being; it makes you claim the God within you."


- Henri Nouwen

To Honor the Dead, Live with Courage

Today is November 1st along with a host of other things including, but not limited to, the 305th day of the year, Antiguan Independence Day, All Saints Day and last but not least, the Day of the Dead, or dia de los muertos.   


Growing up in Houston, Texas - where I can easily enjoy a Negro Modelo, enchiladas, tres leches cake, and Jarritos soda all without leaving the corner store in my neighborhood - has made Mexican culture a part of my blood. The dia de los muertos is no exception.  The Day of the Dead is a Mexican holiday and is the day where the spirits are said to walk the earth.  It is a highly ritualized affair, and it exists to honor deceased loved ones in a festive way.


Significant days of the year like today, Holy Thursday, birthdays, anniversaries and death dates always make me pause and reflect on my parents and grandparents who are long dead.  


And talk of remembering the dead is not limited only to these special days.  Even in church last Sunday, the worship leaders decided to once again read aloud a list of names of the people who had died in the past year, separating each name by the ringing of a bell.  The name & bell exercise literally makes me want to jump up and run out of the building like the smoke alarm has sounded, but instead I end up talking myself down from the fence so I don't disturb those around me.  I do sit there the whole time wondering to myself when it will be over, as it can never be soon enough.  I always cry, and I always think about those people that aren't with me anymore, and I don't like it because I dislike crying in public.


Death is not always easy for me to confront - at the time it occurred, or even years later.  It can make me very vulnerable feeling and weak, though usually, I am someone who is very upfront about the whole dying thing - I like to call it what it is "dead", not "passed away" or some other sugar-coated version of reality.


But on a day like today, where celebration wafts through the air, bright colors are everywhere, and the focus is on honor, it has me contemplating my good fortune to be alive and kicking today and what I might do with such a gift.  It also gives me a chance to keep the memory of those people alive and well.  I draw strength from vivid recollections and stories from years past.  And it is in my living, in my hope, and in my courage, that honor is brought to these memories and lives.

Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live.

- Vittorio Alfieri

divine disturbance

Already this morning, I've been disturbed.  Are you disturbed today?

From the issues on the ballot, to last weekend's football games, it seems there are a barrage of things that upset or disturb us.  For you it might be who lost on Dancing with the Stars...  The price of gas... The price of chicken...  Having to change all your clocks for daylight savings...  I'm sure you won't have to think long before you remember the last time you were upset.

While on my run, as my feet shift my thoughts often drift and this morning I realized that today is the first of November.  So then I started thinking about the missions emphasis at the church - which happens during the month of November.  And the whole missions emphasis is really just a virus that attacks and explodes into all kinds of upsetting things.  The failure rate of elementary kids at Shearn, a school about a mile from my house.  The line of people that wraps around the nearby food pantry during the week, where the same people keep coming back, and standing in line for a handout week after week,year after year, because the cycle of poverty has yet to be broken.  The 27 million victims of sex trade enslavement, many of these victims living right under my nose in Southwest Houston.  The 143 million children in the world who tonight, will go to sleep without a mom or dad to tuck them in.

When I start to consider things outside of myself and my life, it is easy to run head-on into a deep need that is failing to be met.  I wonder, too, what you see.  And I wonder what you are upset about?  What need in our world has your heart broken?  What injustice keeps you up at night?  What suffering person or situation drops you to your knees in prayer?  Where are you willing to be disturbed so radically that you can't stand it another second?  

As His disciples, Jesus asks us to follow Him by loving the unlovable, helping the marginalized, and giving to the least of these.  In the remaining hours of today and beyond today, where will you allow God to shake up your comfortable world on behalf of those most in need, whether they live around the world or around the corner?

Often times, our "first world" answer to upsetting scenes and troubled people is to give money.  And don't get me wrong… Money is a good thing, it does a lot of good and it is good to give it away.  Speaking of giving away money, I want to encourage you to learn more about the Advent Conspiracy before you head out with your Christmas shopping list - there's pretty amazing stuff happening there. But I want to encourage you - don't just give of your money.  Give of yourself & your time.  To the poor, sick, hurting, lonely and hungry.

I was talking to a church member recently. I won’t use his name out of respect to him, so I’ll just call him My Husband…. Anyway, he started mentoring a 9 year old boy at Shearn Elementary, where the majority of the students live at or below poverty level.  His third week rolled around to go and sit with the child for 30 minutes, and it almost didn’t happen.  See, he just had too much on his plate – school, a family, the daily stresses of life.  He was just really out of his comfort zone with this whole mentoring thing.  Why did he even sign up?  Who was he to try and be a mentor?  As he sat in his car and debated about going into the school, he finally climbed out of his car and walked inside.  The child met his mentor with concern when he shared “I thought you weren’t coming today.  Just a few minutes ago, the door opened and I thought it was you, but then it was just some lady here for something else” with sadness.  In that instant, the mentor realized the power of simply coming through that classroom door – a presence to that child that says “I care about you and I’m here for you”.  The mentor shared that he didn’t think those 30 minutes a week could make a difference, but imagine if he had opted not to get out of his car and head towards that classroom door on Wednesday? 

We can all make a difference, every day.  Every act and every little moment that we share ourselves to build up others glorifies God.  Our God, the invisible God, who is a concept foreign to so many, is made visible in these acts.  Jesus did not ask us to walk with him when convenient, he commanded us to go the second mile (even when we were FORCED to walk the first mile)!  He called us to radically serve, and radical meets service at the intersection where we find our hearts broken and our lives disturbed. As Harold Whitman once wrote, "don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive".