Better to illuminate than merely to shine; to deliver to others contemplated truths than merely to contemplate. - Aquinas

Thursday, April 1, 2010

grief feels like…

NicceDog and Odessa 2009


Wraparound sadness


Enduring, amorphous wandering

Shifted paradigms

Tearless eyes that sting and burn

A huge fear lump stuck in your throat

Unstoppable hiccups…a sneeze that stalls…an unreachable itch

An undilating cervix

A permanent pimple planted on the middle of your face

Macular degeneration of your soul

Dementia of your mood

Total aphasia

Entering the Witness Protection Program

Losing your identity, dissolving all your connections

Acting in a “changing places” movie

Living someone else’s life

Wearing borrowed clothes; one size fits all but nothing really fits

Attacked by a computer virus

An extended electrical outage

“12:00” blinking permanently on the face of your VCR

A buzzing alarm clock just beyond reach

Broken routines, lost keys

Breakfast at midnight, sleep at noon

Misplacing the remote control

Locking yourself out, locking yourself in

Paging yourself to find where you are

Breaking up, static on the line, cellular not digital

Wearing someone else’s eyeglasses

An out of focus lens, a mistracking VCR

A 45 rpm record played at 78 speed

Someone lowering the volume, dimming the lights

Realizing “settled” is a myth

Possibilities flashing across your mind, dissolving in its spaces

A nagging sense of “never”

Wondering when this timeless intermission will end

Finishing what you thought was the appetizer and learning it was dessert

Living with “how it was” when it wasn’t how you wanted it

Acknowledging what can NEVER happen

Recognizing the unfixable, the unreturnable, the expired

Unplugged wires…last year’s Christmas lights, tangled and mangled

Dots that won’t connect

Permanent pauses…stalled suspensions

No escalator step rising up when you need it

No one to finish your sentences…to remember the forgotten…

to ask “how was your day?”

(by mom)

1 comment:

  1. You are your mother's daughter......a way with words and soul to share them.
    Love you.
    Alison

    ReplyDelete

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